Embracing Autumn; The Other "New Year"

There is something about the cooler weather and shorter days of late August that never ceases in offering me a sense of pleasant anticipation. For me, the feeling of fall brings with it a sense of "returning to normal". I know that my perspective does not apply to everyone, but I know there are others out there who can relate to what I'm saying here. While I love the summer with it's warm weather, cook-outs, camp-outs and swimming, the hectic frenzy of weddings, family reunions and late nights celebrated in a haze of humidity can also be very draining. By this time of year I'm ready for a change in pace.

More than any other time of the year, fall has always presented as my best time for renewal. Maybe it's my introverted nature or years of being habituated by the rhythm of the school calendar. Perhaps it's the fatigue that comes from the sense of urgency created by the short New England summer to cram in as much fun as possible. Whatever it is, the sense of everything slowing down offers me the best opportunity to reexamine and re-energize.

Items to consider...

Intellectual Development - With the coming school year we are all inundated by the marketing messages of, "back to school." Regardless of whether or not we ourselves are students, or parents of one, this is a good time to think about where we're at with our own intellectual development. I use the term intellectual development instead of "education" because I think when we hear the word "education" we are apt to think of classes and textbooks. While taking a class is certainly part of this, it's not the only means of working our minds.

On a professional level we may work in a field that requires continuous education in which case we may be meeting this need by happenstance. For others we may not have this requirement and may need to make more of a personal effort to gain additional expertise in our profession. If your line of work does not require specific continuing education requirements, see what's available for literature, quality web content and conferences to help keep you up to speed in your field.

On a personal level, exploring areas such as our own spirituality, hobbies and interests are other avenues where we can experience intellectual development. It could be as simple as reading the biography of someone we admire, or as in depth as attending a retreat or going back to school.

Why is this important? - If we don't occasionally look outside of our own world we can become very self-centered. Before we know it we don't see past our own little world of self, children, spouse, job and all of the little in's and out's of our daily lives. By taking some time to learn something new we make connections with the world around us and are better able to balance our own sense of being with that of others.

Housekeeping - Nothing bogs us down practically and spiritually more than unnecessary clutter. It's time to get organized! There are few things in life that offer as much instant gratification as cleaning out a closet or cluttered desk. Yet we will always tend to put these sorts of things off if we don't set aside the time to deal with them.

If your not sure where to begin the best first step is often going room by room and seeing what can simply be tossed or donated. Closets and basements are usually the best places to start. From there it's a matter of going from space to space to sort out what goes where. The goal should be for everything to have it's own place and to avoid just sticking things in random places. If you need supplies to assist with storage and organization discount stores like Big Lots can be a great place to obtain containers and shelves. there are also TONS of great blogs solely dedicated to home organization.

Finances - As an extension of housekeeping, examining our finances using the "Prosperity Check" is a must this time of year. The stretch between summer vacation and the holidays is a great time to sit down and see where we're at financially. It's also a good time to plan a budget and savings plan for Christmas shopping, holiday parties and other year end obligations so we're not having to do financial gymnastics at the last minute to cover these expenses if we choose them.

Our Health - With access to fresh produce at it's peak and cooler temperatures prevailing, the fall is an ideal time to take a look at our diet and fitness habits. While I'm not a health and fitness expert I do feel confidant in saying that whatever approach we take it should be moderate and sustainable. Avoid fad diets, harsh cleanses and quick fixes. Sending yourself on a physical roller-coaster will inevitability be felt mentally as well and in the end will only prove to do more to move us away from our goals than toward them.

We also need to consider our mental health as well. What's working? What's not working? Are we taking time to decompress throughout the day, or are we frenetically bouncing from one task to the next? Are we embracing our spiritual practice or pushing it aside? There is nothing like a cool, rainy fall day to take some time for prayer and/or meditation.

Make Your Plan - Whether we choose to focus on one of these things, all of these things, or subjects not even covered here the most important point to all of this is that we're checking in with ourselves to make sure we're on track toward personal growth and that we're not holding ourselves back with procrastination and excuses.

Be Well,
Nicole

The Perplexing Case of Ohio State

A Symptom of a Bigger Issue

The director of the award winning Ohio State marching band was fired recently for allegedly allowing a hyper-sexual culture in the band program that, in the opinion of some, amounted to sexual harassment. Now we don't really know what exactly happened other than what has been reported by the media. However, the general feeling is that decades of somewhat risque traditions came to a screeching halt when a handful of people became offended.

Now what does this have to do with career, money and our lives? The fact is that this type of scenario is a symptom of a much broader issue. It was not that long ago when women were often expected to brush off advances and even unwanted touches by their boss. In response we saw the feminist movement and slogans like, "no means no" and "take back the night". It was a necessary and well intended change, but I have to wonder if in some cases we're missing the point of these efforts.

I once had a friendly debate with a friend on the topic. I suggested that women should stand up for themselves and set boundaries when faced with an inappropriate male attention. She argued that this was blaming the victim, that women shouldn't have to do anything and that men should just know better. I agree that in a perfect world that should be the case, but the fact is no matter how much progress women make toward equality there will always be chauvinists. There are also some cases where the offending party may not even realize that their actions are unwanted. The question then becomes, what do we brush off? When should school administrators, HR departments, or in this case, the State Attorney General become involved? At what point do we jeopardize someone's future because we were offended?

It's a delicate balance. Working in a male dominated industry I can honestly say I wouldn't be able to function in my industry if I allowed myself to become flustered by every sexist comment or act of chauvinism I've encountered from co-workers, bosses and even clients. It demands a unique sort of tolerance. That's not to say we should be tolerant of everything. There are times when behavior crosses a line and it becomes necessary for a third party to become involved to resolve a particular situation. And of course a full on assault is absolutely never acceptable. That's not what I'm talking about here. What I'm talking about is more the day to day casual comments or even traditions that might raise eyebrows but are not necessarily done with malice.

We also have to consider how, as a culture, we're handling this. It seems that an unfortunate consequence of the feminist movement is that on a societal level men are now seen as predators and women as victims. Instead of playing the blame game we should be working together to set reasonable boundaries. We should also communicate with each other when appropriate to work out our differences. Not just in instances like these, but in many organizational disagreements. Too often I see people running to the boss and blindsiding their co-worker when it is something that should really be resolved between those involved.

I suppose tolerance and communication is the lesson in all of this. I've said it before and I'll continue to say that we have to accept that we can't control the behavior of others. We have to expect that occasionally people will say and do things that are inappropriate and offensive. If we waste our energy walking around being offended and angry, we're only hurting ourselves. Deal with it or be done with it!

The Mystery of the Boomerang Generation

I am a young 30 something, right on the cusp of the millennial generation.What makes a Gen Y person like me different than a Millennial? I remember life before cell phones and computers. I grew up with a television the size of an oven. We had rotary phones, enormous sedans, and permed hair. I well remember the Gulf War and when Russians were the default bad guys in action films. The Clinton years, grunge and MTV were the hallmarks of my youth. Then something changed.

No this isn't going to be yet another writing about the worthlessness of "kids these days." There are a lot of things that I think Millennials do better than those of us who came before them. They demand tolerance and equality. They are largely very thoughtful and intelligent. They also have big dreams and reject conventional consumerism. While all of these traits are a breath of fresh air, they can also make for their own undoing.

A number of studies have shown that marriage is down, birth rates are down and the workforce is aging because so many young people are simply not participating in the "normal" passages of adulthood. In some respects I think it's great that young people are carving out their own definitions of what their lives should be like rather than just adhering to societal norms. At the same time, there has to be some balance and an understanding that not every aspect of life is going to be a profound experience. 

Sometimes we all have to work the job we don't like or take the boring general education class. These days when so much of our lives are customizable it can be easy to forget that sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. Unfortunately for these "boomerang" kids, they don't appear to see that as an option. There is a mentality of, "I went to college for X, so I am only going to do X." Especially in cases of non-traditional or arts based majors it seems that no one ever explained to them that they might need to get creative, or work a day job for a while.

It's not that I'm trying to bash these folks, nor do I look down on them. Some of these individuals are people I know and love. They're well intended, but they're beating themselves up and gradually giving up on their dreams because their expectations are just way too high in regards to where they expect to be in the short term. 

So, what's the solution? There is no real system that can be applied to existential crises such as this. What I have found when people like this open up to me is that they tend to respond well if they understand that in various ways we've all been there. We all hate our jobs sometimes, wish we lived in a different area or feel like our lives are just simply boring. It doesn't make us failures or mean we sold out. We just recognize that our lives move through cycles and hiding out in our childhood bedrooms is not a solution. Sometimes we're doing exciting things and sometimes we're not.

The bottom line is that life moves in cycles. Despite what the internet culture has lead us to be conditioned to, we can't always have what we want, when we want. We have to learn to embrace the process of reaching our goals and celebrate not only achieving what we want, but the also small accomplishments along the way.

A Little Dab Will Do Ya

When I started this blog I was hoping to regularly post each Thursday. I had a back log of material I wanted to cover and thought that would carry me through for a while. Now after a few months of posting I find myself a bit distracted with other activities and obligations. While I certainly intend to keep this blog going I am going to relax my Thursday deadline and stick to posting when I feel compelled to do so, which I'm hoping will be at least a couple of times per month. By doing this I feel that the content I offer will be richer and deeper than it would be if I was just churning out posts for the sake of it.

With all of this considered I must admit that I am a dabbler. I am prone to what I believe to be fantastic ideas for a variety of projects, making the first few moves and then never following through. In addition to blogs there have been bouts of jewelry making, sewing, painting, novel writing, skiing, golf, knitting and crochet. I used to beat myself up about it, but have been able to forgive and accept this somewhat annoying trait. At the same time I have learned how to moderate it.

The way I figure dabbling is better than being afraid to try; however, when we need to watch our budget, running out and buying supplies or equipment for something we won't follow through with is not necessarily the best idea. So what's a dabbler to do? 

In the past when I would dabble in something I would have big ideas about where it would go. After I bought a set of golf clubs I immediately started looking into tournaments. When I took up various crafts I imagined how I could turn it into a business. That's not to say that these weren't realistic long term goals, but there needs to be realistic expectations about how we'll get there. We dabblers need to learn to take baby steps.

A good way to start is with some simple research. One thing that has really curbed my dabbling is the simple existence of the internet. These days it's much easier to find out material costs and the true amount of time and skill required for any given activity. There are blogs and message boards by the hundreds where we can learn from others who have been there and done that before we make a huge investment of our own time and money.

I also like to categorize my new pursuits as low, medium or high impact. Low impact would be activities like writing or drawing that cost little to no money and can be worked into our regular schedule. I give all low impact activities a free pass. When it comes to these I say, dabble away! Medium impact activities would include activities that would be a minimal investment and moderate equipment and time considerations. This would include most crafts, sports, theater, music and arts. High impact would be those activities that would have a major impact on our budget and lifestyle. These would be things like horseback riding, car racing or pursuing a degree. Overall, the higher level of impact, the more time and research should go into researching before we take the plunge.

I hope you're all having a fantastic start to the summer!

Be Well! 

- Nicole

Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse

My apologies for missing my Thursday deadline again. Where did this week go! That being said I thought I would use the fact that I'm writing today, on Friday the 13th under the full moon, to address a very serious topic, with a dash of humor - the zombie apocalypse.

People who don't already know might be surprised that I'm really into zombie movies and the whole philosophical idea of a zombie apocalypse. Zombie movies are not simply gory films, but a metaphor for a society that has checked out in someway. They're about the most serious forms of psychic attack that can ultimately cause us to turn on ourselves and each other. These movies offer a visual representation of what happens to us emotionally when we lose our sense of purpose or struggle to maintain our own integrity and virtues when the world seems determined to derail us.

There are many ways we can see this happening around us. In the area where I live one of the major culprits is the use of heroin. My neighbor lost two of his former classmates in the last week alone to this horrible drug. Both of them were under 35. It makes me wonder what leads a person to make the decision to incapacitate themselves. This is of course an extreme example, but it is becoming more common. Even in cases that don't result in death it seems that as a population we are struggling more and more with our ability to cope with every day life.

So what do we do to prevent ourselves from heading down this rabbit hole? Well the first thing we need to recognize is whether or not we're predisposed to self-destructive behavior. If we're experiencing clinical depression, an eating disorder, abusive relationships, addiction or other compulsive behavior, professional help is the necessary next step. Many people though often feel they are more or less just mildly miserable as they go through their daily life. These individuals might not be ready to put a needle in their arm, but it doesn't mean some change isn't needed.

Many people I know in this situation are often stuck in a victim mentality, at least when it comes to certain areas of their lives. They see their situation as something that happened to them and don't believe they themselves have control. How to shake this will vary from person to person. The first step and most difficult step is always the self awareness to know that we need to make a change and that it's up to us to do so. We can't sit around waiting for our boss to make our job better or our spouse to make our relationship better. From there comes the task of learning to cope with the challenges we face.

I don't have any quick answers for this. The journey will be different for everyone, but the key is that if we don't want to become a society riddled with gun violence and drug use we must learn to cope. The threat of a zombie apocalypse is metaphorically always threatening, but through love, compassion and hope we can work together to scare those zombies away.

Happy Friday the 13th!

- Nicole

Simple Ways to Save Today!

I thought I'd go with something quick and to the point today - simple ways to save. None of this is likely to be new, but we can all use reminders. It's easy to mindlessly spend. Occasionally we all need some motivation to put those credit cards away. So what should we be doing?

STOP Window Shopping:
Many of us waste time roaming the malls or browsing online at the latest cell phones, cars, clothes, books, etc. We might think that there is no harm in it, but trust me, marketing is an incredibly powerful tool to those who know how to use it well. If you browse you will want to spend. So, unless there is something you're truly interested in purchasing, stop window shopping! There are far better things we can do to fill our time.

Revisit What You Have:
Most of us having things lying around that at one time we had to have, but that's now collecting dust. Some common ones are exercise equipment, video game systems, hobby kits, musical instruments, golf clubs, bicycles etc. If we're looking for something new to entertain ourselves, why not revisit something we already invested in?

Buy Used:
There are very few things I have in my house that are new. As much as possible I buy what I can second hand, especially furniture.

Scout Online For Clothes:
I rarely shop for clothes in the store. There are tons of savvy shopper out there who have made a business for themselves by purchasing and reselling clothes on e-Bay. I can usually find brand name tops and pants for a fraction of what they cost in the store. The trick is to find brands that you know fit consistently so there is no worry about returns. Not a fan of e-Bay? Even regular retailers most often offer their best deals and selection through their online clearance sections. I always recommend checking these out before heading to the store. Not to mention what you'll save in time and gas!

Eat Real Food:
This one helps your wallet and your waste line. My husband and I have always joked that when we were first married, the poorer we were the better we ate. To us things like soda, cookies, beer & wine, and other snack foods were always viewed as a treat that we often did not have room for in our budget. As an affect we got out of the habit of buying many of these items. Yet it seems that many people just take these items as "must-haves" on their shopping list. I'm not saying you have to be a health nut, just consider the cost of this habit.

Plan Meals:
A big trouble spot in my budget has always been eating out. When life gets busy, the first thing that usually gets sacrificed is meal planning and grocery shopping. It takes time, but making a point to go through the flyers and make a shopping list that includes everything you'll need to get through the week will be well worth the time. A great tool to help with this is www.emeals.com. I've used e-meals off and on over the years. It's a great way to get in the habit of meal planning and also to try out new recipes. It's a fantastic system and a huge time saver!

Plan Backyard Adventures:
You don't have to go on an exotic vacation to have a good time. There are often times dozens of things to do within our own communities or just a short drive away. Instead of focusing on expensive vacations, see what's available locally or as a weekend getaway.

Fake It 'Till You Make It

I'm obviously a few days late with my blog post. Unfortunately last week I faced the loss of a dear family member. I wanted some time to think about how I could apply this experience to my message here. While going through the grieving process it occurred to me just how resilient we can be when faced with difficult times and how important it is to always face what is in front of us no matter how scary it may seem. This is true not only in the event of an unexpected death, but in all aspects of our lives that we may find challenging.

I remember in college while preparing for internships my classmates and I were all very nervous. We were asking our professor tons of "what-if" questions. She answered a few and then said, "Listen, none of you are going to be doing anything you're not capable of. Just fake it 'till you make it." This advice has stuck with me ever since because it is so true.

We can't prepare for every challenge that comes our way and it can become all too easy to convince ourselves that we're just not ready, or that something is not for us. Whether it's moving past an obstacle like job loss, divorce, death, or challenging ourselves with a life change, there comes a point when we need to throw ourselves into the mix even if our confidence is a bit lacking.

This is not to say that one should be reckless, but once we've completed reasonable actions to prepare ourselves for what we need to face, there comes a point when we need to decide where preparation and self healing ends and procrastination and denial begins. This will certainly be different for everyone. Some people seem to have a natural ability to navigate challenges, while others need more time. The important thing is to be aware of where we're at so we're not hanging on to a past that is no longer possible or longer suits us.