31 Days of Living Well and Spending Zero - Day 16

Days 8-16 of the challenge were primarily about cleaning and organizing. I am a big fan of cleaning and organizing as part of a holistic financial wellness plan. It can be easy to forget what is shoved in the back of closets. As an example my daughter has become really interested in board games recently. Remembering that we had some board games collecting dust we took a trip down to the basement where she found the game "Clue". Would you believe it had never even been played?!? I don't even remember how we came to acquire it! Thus something that was collecting dust became a found treasure for my daughter.

It can be easy to have a knee jerk reaction to run out and buy a new game, toy, piece of clothing etc without stopping to take stock of what we already have. What about you? Have you ever been cleaning or organizing and been thrilled to find something you forgot you had?

Keeping Perspective

Are You Self-Centered?

No one likes to think of themselves as self-centered, but to a degree we all are. How can we not be? The problem lies when we become too self-centered and thus lose perspective. Now I want to be clear that self-centered does not equate selfishness. Someone could be very giving and also be self-centered. By self-centered I mean that we struggle with being objective or understanding the view points of others. So how do we know when we've become maybe a bit too self-absorbed and as such have lost perspective? It's a hard thing to admit, so here are some signs:

We think everyone is out to get us: While there are a handful of people out there who try to sabotage others, this is not something the average person is interested in spending their time on. If someone gives us the cold shoulder it might not even have anything to do with us. Maybe they just have something else on their mind.

Little things can throw our whole day off: Are little things like oversleeping or spilling coffee in the car enough to ruin our mood? If the answer is "yes" then it's time to take a step back. While it's normal to get upset for a minute when something like this happens, we're not doing ourselves any favors if we carry these things around all day.

Everyone knows everything about you, but you don't know what's going on with everyone else: So the coffee spilled in the car and then we went and told everyone in the office about it. One by one each of our co-workers heard "guess what happened to me this morning!" Later while sitting at our desk we hear that someone in our office just found out they need surgery or that someone's spouse is leaving them. If we get too caught up in our own stories we might not realize the difficulties also being faced by those around us.

We don't pay attention to the world around us: It's easy to lose perspective when we don't pay attention to the world around us. Even just listening to the news on the radio on the way into work or taking a look at the headlines each day can go a long way. When we begin to understand the amount of real struggle that exists in the world, spilled coffee won't seem like such a big deal.

Not having perspective is a big problem for many of us and it most certainly inhibits happiness, success and our ability to relate to others. If we're always walking around feeling sorry for ourselves, talking about our problems and acting like martyrs it's going to turn people off and limit our ability to appreciate what is going well in our lives.

Remembering Gratitude

It's a common trap. We tell ourselves if we just had a bigger house, a newer car or could get that promotion everything would be great. The problem is when we finally meet that goal there is always something else to move into it's place. It's good to have goals, but if we never take time to stop and appreciate where we're at, we will always be left with a feeling of inadequacy. The happiness we gain from possessions is shallow at best. If we're having trouble experiencing gratitude, adding on some new thing isn't going to fix that. 

Often times we can become so immersed in obsessing over what we don't have that we don't stop to think about we do have. There are a couple of problems with this. If we can't experience some level of gratitude for the things that are going well in our lives, psychologically and spiritually we won't be able to move forward. 

We end up in a position where we simply can't see the forest through the tress. We may feel that everything is awful and nothing goes our way. We end up becoming so convinced of this that we miss out on what's right in front of us. We can become cynical and think that even when a good opportunity is presented that there must be a catch. We might splurge on something because we think trying to save is a waste of time because we'll never get ahead anyway.

Our negativity can also effect how others perceive and ultimately treat us. If we constantly complain and act cynical others may start to pass us over because they are overwhelmed with our negativity. We may have a hard time being sympathetic to others because we contrast their problems against our own. Friendships suffer, promotions may be missed and we end up left feeling short changed and often unaware that it was largely our own attitude that put us in this position in the first place.

Now, you might be thinking, "not me!" Truthfully though if we are honest I would bet that most of us go through phases of this kind of behavior. Truly though, this is a very difficult matter to confront. It's easy to justify our own pessimism and it can be a lot harder to be optimistic once we get in this frame of mind. Being cynical is a fantastic crutch. If we are victims than we are not responsible for our situation. If people feel sorry for us we can't be held accountable because we just have too much going on in our lives. 

If we're feeling unhappy we really need to think about why so we can avoid this sort of self-destructive behavior. Are you miserable at your job? Are you stuck in a dysfunctional relationship with either a spouse, friend or other family member? Are you having trouble managing illness or other extenuating circumstances? Maybe you're just feeling unhappy and you're not sure why.

We all have our ups and downs, and there is nothing wrong with some occasional retail therapy necessarily; however, if we find ourselves in a pattern where we're always chasing that next new possession to feel better, we need to hit the breaks and re-evaluate.

First and foremost we must pause and remember all that we have to be grateful for. Without gratitude we will always be looking elsewhere for happiness. Sometimes just a simple moment of reflection or pausing to take in the joyous things around us may be all we need to ground us and prevent an unnecessary purchase or bout of negativity.

Another solution is to shift the focus from buying something to doing something. Instead of going to the mall redirect those funds and head to the gym, art gallery, concert or to whatever activity moves you. Think back on hobbies that you've had in the past or things you used to enjoy doing and bring those activities back into your life.

Having a well rounded sense of purpose can help shift the focus off of the negativity in our lives to more productive matters and make those things that seemed so horrible less overwhelming. 

Be Well!

- Nicole