The Perplexing Case of Ohio State

A Symptom of a Bigger Issue

The director of the award winning Ohio State marching band was fired recently for allegedly allowing a hyper-sexual culture in the band program that, in the opinion of some, amounted to sexual harassment. Now we don't really know what exactly happened other than what has been reported by the media. However, the general feeling is that decades of somewhat risque traditions came to a screeching halt when a handful of people became offended.

Now what does this have to do with career, money and our lives? The fact is that this type of scenario is a symptom of a much broader issue. It was not that long ago when women were often expected to brush off advances and even unwanted touches by their boss. In response we saw the feminist movement and slogans like, "no means no" and "take back the night". It was a necessary and well intended change, but I have to wonder if in some cases we're missing the point of these efforts.

I once had a friendly debate with a friend on the topic. I suggested that women should stand up for themselves and set boundaries when faced with an inappropriate male attention. She argued that this was blaming the victim, that women shouldn't have to do anything and that men should just know better. I agree that in a perfect world that should be the case, but the fact is no matter how much progress women make toward equality there will always be chauvinists. There are also some cases where the offending party may not even realize that their actions are unwanted. The question then becomes, what do we brush off? When should school administrators, HR departments, or in this case, the State Attorney General become involved? At what point do we jeopardize someone's future because we were offended?

It's a delicate balance. Working in a male dominated industry I can honestly say I wouldn't be able to function in my industry if I allowed myself to become flustered by every sexist comment or act of chauvinism I've encountered from co-workers, bosses and even clients. It demands a unique sort of tolerance. That's not to say we should be tolerant of everything. There are times when behavior crosses a line and it becomes necessary for a third party to become involved to resolve a particular situation. And of course a full on assault is absolutely never acceptable. That's not what I'm talking about here. What I'm talking about is more the day to day casual comments or even traditions that might raise eyebrows but are not necessarily done with malice.

We also have to consider how, as a culture, we're handling this. It seems that an unfortunate consequence of the feminist movement is that on a societal level men are now seen as predators and women as victims. Instead of playing the blame game we should be working together to set reasonable boundaries. We should also communicate with each other when appropriate to work out our differences. Not just in instances like these, but in many organizational disagreements. Too often I see people running to the boss and blindsiding their co-worker when it is something that should really be resolved between those involved.

I suppose tolerance and communication is the lesson in all of this. I've said it before and I'll continue to say that we have to accept that we can't control the behavior of others. We have to expect that occasionally people will say and do things that are inappropriate and offensive. If we waste our energy walking around being offended and angry, we're only hurting ourselves. Deal with it or be done with it!

Don't Take My Advice

Demystifying Gurus & Making Informed Choices

There are a lot of great motivational folks out there, especially in the financial field, and many of them offer fantastic advice. At the same time, however, it can often be noted that many of these gurus can come off as fanatical. They present their solutions as all or nothing and if we dare to consider a differing opinion then we're doomed to disaster. This is all part of being a media mogul and it's something we need to be aware of when we follow these sorts of advice giving celebrities.

Whether it's the FICO score obsessed, Suze Orman or the debt-phobic, Dave Ramsey, the use of fear and absolutes is a common tactic among such gurus who are out to sell you on their brand. The more they can convince us that they have the best and only real method of obtaining financial success the more they can get us to spend on their system. It's all sales and marketing so we need to be educated consumers when we take in information just as we should be when we make tangible purchases.

Now don't get me wrong, I think there are a lot of great ideas presented by the individuals mentioned above. I find Dave Ramsey's radio show to be incredibly motivating and I've recommended his book to many of my friends and family. But, do I think you're a loser if you lease a car? No. Do I think it's sometimes necessary to borrow money for college? Yes. Yet when it comes to tackling debt and building savings, I don't think you'll find a better system out there.

The point is when we allow ourselves to become enchanted by gurus of any kind we can often end up feeling let down. We spend money on books, products and seminars only to have the initial enthusiasm wear off and end up back where we started. When we take in this sort of guidance it should be to motivate us and help us make better choices and not to simply conform ourselves into someone else's ideal.

Be Well!
- Nicole