New Podcast

Hello and happy New Year! I am excited to announce the creation of my new podcast, Nicole Roxbury; Financial Wellness. Episodes will feature content drawn from this blog in addition to fresh, new material. I hope you'll tune in soon at www.spreaker.com/show/nicole-roxburys-tracks

Be Well,
Nicole

Go Away Demon!

Disconnecting From Toxic People and Situations

I was on one of my thought trains the other day, venting in my own head about a current situation in my life when I just hit a wall and thought, "Enough is enough. I'm not spending any more mental energy on these people or this situation." It got me thinking about ghost hunting shows and how those who feel they have demons in their home deal with them. If you've never seen one of these shows the approach generally boils down to a blunt demand of "Go away demon!" which will often be followed by some prayer.

Now I don't think the people or situation I'm dealing with are demonic necessarily, but I do think this is a helpful metaphor. There are times in our lives when we are forced to deal with toxic or even abusive people. These relationships can be very draining and even psychologically damaging if we're not able to effectively manage them. Often times we can co-exist with most individuals through healthy boundaries; however, there are times when this may not be enough and we have to admit that there will never be peace with the given dynamics.

How do we know when enough is enough? Well, there are a few things to look at. Do you find yourself constantly venting about the person or situation? Is someone abusing, harassing or discriminating against you? Do you find yourself having arguments in your head with this person? Do you feel the need to constantly have to defend or explain yourself for seemingly no reason? Is someone deliberately sabotaging you, gossiping, spreading lies, etc? Are you experiencing anxiety or depression related to this person or situation? You don't need to justify your worth to an abuser. You don't need explain your rights to someone with prejudice. You don't need to tolerate harassment. If any of these are a persistent part of our reality it may be time to accept that this is a situation or relationship that can't be improved and it's time to move on. But what if you can't make an immediate exit?

There are varying reasons why we may have to bide our time in a less than stellar situation. As long as we are not at risk of serious harm this can be managed using one simple technique. Get ready and say it with me..."Go away demon!"

I know it seems dramatic, but first off let me say this isn't something I expect anyone to say out loud and it probably shouldn't be said to anyone directly. Maybe you don't use this at all, perhaps another mantra would work better for you. Why I like this particular saying is simply this. When someone believes they have a demon in their home they've generally come to the consensus that there is an energy force in their house that is not conducive to their well being. They don't want to make peace with it, rationalize with it, explain their rights to it. They recognize that this is an entity that is not interested in existing in harmony with those around it and there is nothing they can do to change that. They simply want it gone.  Often time these situations and individuals are like that and the more we engage with them or even about them to others or in our own head the more we perpetuate the madness they create in our lives.

Our natural reflex is always going to be to want to defend ourselves and maybe even stew in frustration about how we've been wronged. We do this because we don't want to be misperceived, but mostly we do it because deep down most of us just want to get along with each other and it's bothersome to not be able to "make it work". Unfortunately the feeling is not always mutual.

We're Gonna Party Like It's 1949

It has certainly been a while since my last post. While I would prefer to always post regularly I find I tend to go though waves of inspiration and would rather wait until something catches my attention and seems worth writing about rather than post random thought trains.

What was it that inspired me today you might ask? Well, I was watching the show Bletchley Circle last night which is a show takes place in the early 1950's in London where a serial killer is on the loose. A group of WW2 veteran code breakers team up to try and find the killer. Aside from the interesting plot and classic British style of television I love so much, there was something else that caught my eye. I could help but feel appreciation for the simpleness of their lifestyle. There is no constant checking of smart phones, no glow of televisions or excess of nick-knacks and clutter around their homes. They complete their research at the library and record's offices. When they want to speak to someone they either pay them a visit or call them on the phone. When they have time to spare they'll take out their knitting or research new recipes. All of the things it seems I often wish I had time to do they're doing simply by not having access to so many convenient distractions.

Now I'm not one to be under the illusion that life was perfect before modern technology and conveniences entered our lives. In decades past they had their own issues too, but it seems the evolution of those changes were a bit more gradual. Smartphones and social media, in particular, have hit us hard and fast and have completely changed how we interact with one another. Then comes the desire for larger houses, multiple vehicles and extravagant vacations. It's no wonder we're starting to see a backlash represented by tiny houses and communal living. As humans we're social animals and many are starting to see through the fog of luxury.

I would encourage everyone to examine your life now compared to how it was 20 or more years ago. Have modern comforts and conveniences really made you any happier, healthier or wealthier? I imagine in many cases they've done quite the opposite. I don't mean to bash modern life as some do. There are a lot of benefits to the advances that have been made; however, each of us should consider regularly monitoring how we engage with these advances and be aware of how and why we're using them. Be honest!

Be well,
~ Nicole

10 Elements of Practical "Prepping"

A friend of mine was telling me recently how she was concerned because her father has become hooked on shows and literature surrounding the topic of "doomsday prepping". At first I didn't see the big deal. What's the harm in keeping some canned food in the basement? We could all learn something from these "preppers", couldn't we? Well I finally got around to watching the National Geographic show "Doomsday Preppers" and I immediately understood her concern.

The whole concept of "doomsday prepping" is based around the idea of a complete collapse of society due to some cataclysmic event. It's a mentality that is fueled by anxiety and often hatred toward a particular group that these individuals deem as their biggest threat.

Despite these concerns the show did get me thinking. After seeing the chaotic aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and Superstorm Sandy, and the impact of long term unemployment after the market crash in '08, there is something to be said for maintaining a reasonable level of preparedness.

Regardless of what it is that is most likely to affect us, there are practical steps we all should take to help minimize the risk and disruption of such events.

1) Savings Account
The first step toward preparedness, and something that is almost never mentioned by "preppers", is having a healthy savings account. I think "preppers" often ignore this because they're usually focused on preparing for a doomsday scenario. Realistically though, income disruption due to job loss, disability or natural disaster is a much more likely scenario. Most experts recommend having at least three months of savings at any giving time. Most of that should be in an insured savings account; however, it is also a good idea to keep at least a couple of weeks worth of cash on hand in a secure location in the event that a disruption compromises your bank account or limits access to your funds.

2) A Well Stocked Pantry
Whenever a storm is predicted in my area, and I'm sure many other areas, people flock to the grocery store to stock up on groceries. Save yourself the hassle and keep a well stocked pantry to avoid the last minute rush. Now there is a lot of marketing out there for kits costing upwards of thousands of dollars for pounds and pounds of survival food. Spare me the freeze dried spaghetti, please! We should purchase food we will actually use and rotate it out. Don't forget the bottled water or a water filter.

3) Basic Supplies
Every home should always have basic supplies appropriate to their area such as flashlights, batteries, a first aid kit, back up cooking methods, cleaning supplies and simple hand tools. If it's affordable and an available option generators and wood stoves can help add additional comfort, especially in cold climates. It wasn't all that long ago when a fire place or wood stove was considered a necessity in a northern home. Given the uptick in severe weather resulting in extended power outages, this may be a feature worth adding if you can. A small boat or blow up raft should also be considered as well for flood prone areas.

4) Documents and Records
Disaster or not, it's a wise idea to keep tangible copies of all essential records in a secure location. This should include birth certificates, marriage certificates, deeds, titles, insurance policies, wills, trusts, etc.

5) Cyber Security
We also need to make sure we're not too complacent with digital records. The unfortunate reality is hacking and cyber terrorism is an ever growing threat and could feasibly turn out to be the modern battlefield. Make sure to download your most recent account statements as they become available. If your bank or investment accounts are compromised this could end up being the only way to prove what you had in the event of a discrepancy. Also, create strong passwords and change them regularly.

6) Home Security
Many of these "Doomsday Preppers" love to show off their home artillery. While I consider the use of weapons for home defense to be a personal choice, it is not a decision that should be taken lightly or made without some serious practical education. Even the military puts the most elite soldiers though what is known as the "S.E.R.E." training program - an acronym that means "Survive, Evade, Resist, and Evacuate". Engaging with the enemy is seen as a last resort. For homeowners in some states, it's even the law. There are many practical deterrents that we can use to protect ourselves and our property such as home alarms and defense sprays before resorting to deadly weapons.

7) Awareness and Education
Even if we stock pile thousands of dollars worth of food and supplies, we still need to have practical knowledge and skills. Not everyone is handy with a hammer, but everyone should have some general awareness of their home, how it functions, and what to do if something goes awry. Whether living in an apartment or a house we should all be aware of what type of HVAC system we have, what kind of fuel it uses and how to shut it down in an emergency. Vents, drainage, roofs, exterior doors and the immediate perimeter of the building should be kept as clear as possible. House numbers should also be clearly visible from the street. Most importantly, if utilizing a generator or other back-up energy sources we must be sure to educate ourselves in their proper use to avoid potentially fatal injuries. Hunting, fishing, gardening, self defense and wilderness survival are also practical skills that would be useful in the more extreme cases where long term survival became necessary. Or, even if we found ourselves unexpectedly in a survival situation as two young snowmobile enthusiasts in my area recently did.

8) Housekeeping and Organization
There is nothing worse than fumbling around through clutter looking for flashlights. While almost no-one can keep their house clean at all times, having a reasonable level of organization will help reduce stress when faced with an unexpected disruption. Stock piling supplies won't do much good if you don't know where anything is!

9) Vehicle Prepping
The possibility of having to respond to a high risk situation can occur not only at home, but also while on the road. First, try to keep the gas tank above half full so you'll be prepared if a power outage knocks out electricity to all of the gas stations in your area, or a quick evacuation is necessary. Also, keep some basic supplies in your vehicle such as snacks, blankets, flashlight, flares, and a first aid kit.

10) Conclusion - Keep it Simple and Practical
The "Doomsday Prepping" approach can seem extreme and overwhelming and may discourage us from taking any action at all. By focusing on realistic scenarios and breaking down preparedness into simple tasks we can better formulate a practical and personalized preparedness plan. Focus on the free stuff first, such as organization and compiling important documents and then do the rest, such as obtaining supplies and stocking the pantry gradually and as you're financially able.

Alos, check out other available online resources, but be wary of those trying to cash in on hysteria. There are some great checklists and tips available from the CDC, the Mormon Church, FEMA, and The Red Cross.

For a quick and more specific check list of things you should be considering, visit my new "Practical Prepping Check List".


Be Well!
Nicole

Happy New Year

My Take on Goal Setting and New Year's Resolutions...

It seems hard to believe that another year has come and gone. When I was young it seemed that time moved so so so slowly. I remember being very clear in what I wanted and the agonizing pace at which time seemed move as I longed to reach the ages where I could achieve what I wanted to do. Now I find that the older I get the more I have to make a deliberate effort to slow things down and check in with myself to make sure I'm not just spinning my wheels or even moving away from what I desire. Without taking time to self-reflect and set new goals for ourselves we risk spending years without any real personal growth.

Now let me be clear that just watching myself type the phrase "set new goals" immediately made a part of my brain say "ew, no we don't like goals." When we're young our family and our culture largely dictates for us what our goals should be. From the first day of kindergarten to graduation day, the milestones we need to achieve what we want are largely assigned to us without us realizing it. Then we get to a certain age when we need to start setting our own more personalized goals. 

When I first began learning about goal-setting it involved picking a specific desired achievement and then making a detailed list of objectives to describe how that goal would be achieved. If that works for you - great. For this Gemini, that is a far too rigid approach in most cases. Personally I like to take a more fluid approach toward personal growth. Like most people my enthusiasm waxes and wanes. Instead of feeling like I failed because I only practiced piano once this week instead of four times I try to focus on simple forward motion. As long as by the end of the month I've made some progress in my playing I will be happy with that. It doesn't mean I won't work as hard at it, I'm just eliminating that sense of stress and feeling of failure that comes from unnecessary check lists.

That being said, there are times when specific goal setting is necessary. There are some areas of our lives like personal finance, our jobs and even our health where we might need to be more hyper focused on completing specific tasks on a day to day basis. Maybe you like to keep a clean inbox or make a point to take a walk every day. Creating healthy habits is absolutely the foundation of long term personal growth. It's difficult to grow if we have too much clutter in our lives. Major changes however often require a different approach and an authentic emotional investment.

It's often an oversimplification to simply strive for a particular job position, body type or financial status. To really become motivated and achieve something that's going to be life changing we should, as much as possible, actually want to do it. If our New Year resolution is to "eat healthier" that shouldn't be the beginning and end of our goal. What do we really want to do? Improve our health? Learn new recipes? Be better at meal planing? Breaking major changes down into smaller parts allows us to create a process that can actually be enjoyable rather than a chore and make us actually want to stick with it. 

Weight loss for example is a common New Year's resolution. For many of us though there is so much emotional baggage surrounding weight and food that this task can quickly become overwhelming. Instead of focusing on such a broad goal we would likely be better served by choosing a related goal. We could make a point to walk daily, or eat vegetarian a couple of times per week. If you're a gadget geek trying something like the FitBit might be fun. 

Whatever goal we have it should resonate in a way that we get excited about what we're trying to achieve. 

Be Well,

- Nicole

31 Days of Living Well and Spending Zero - Days 17 - 31

October is over and so is the challenge! Days 17-31 were packed with some great ideas for avoiding spending. A few highlights...

Day 17 - Free Halloween Costumes: I was certain that my daughter would insist on a Disney Princess costume for Halloween this year; however, when I suggested she make use of her dress up clothes and go as a fairy princess she was all for it! While I certainly can't guarantee that children will always be this agreeable, I think often times we adults assume our children want store bought things when they're already happy with what they have.

Day 22 - Sell your stuff: If you're in need of some extra cash take some time to look around and see what's worth selling. You'd be amazed at what people will buy. Even odd little nick-knacks can fetch a few bucks on e-bay. It adds up quick!

Day 25 - Try Bartending (ooops Bartering): Okay, when I was doing the challenge I misread this one. It's supposed to be bartering, but my eyes read "bar tending" (I was thinking they made a typo and formed it as one word). Anyways....I like both. 

Let's start with bar tending. Now I'm not much of a alcohol drinker, but I am a big drinker of coffee and coffee related beverages. Now if you're like me you know that buying these beverages can be a major budget buster. Unfortunately espresso machines are not cheap. There are however some great alternatives. At my house we use a Bialetti Moka Express Espresso maker that can be used on the stove top and purchased usually for less than $50. This along with  a wand-type milk frother, which can be found for less than $10, has saved us a lot of money. Want the coffee shop atmosphere? Turn off the TV, throw on some jazz or acoustic music and dim the lights. Voila!

Now for bartering.... I like bartering because not only can you save some money but it's also social and can be very rewarding. I've had several great bartering experiences. I once traded snow tires for a Nintendo Wii. Last year I dog sat in exchange for having an antique doll house refurbished. More recently I traded my old saxophone for a really nice electric piano. If I hadn't arranged these barters I'm fairly certain I would not have the electric piano, and the dollhouse would likely still be in disrepair (I since donated the Wii). 

Day 27 - Free Family Activities - This is one of my favorites because it echos one of my top pieces of advice which is, instead of buying something - do something! Whether it's a quiet day at home, playing games, going on a hike, bike riding, or finding a local event with free admission there are many ways we can have fun simply by spending time together. Mall dwelling should mostly be avoided. Shop when you actually need something, not as something to do!

Day 30 - Plan for the Holidays - Thanksgiving and Christmas are fast approaching, and if you're like most of us that means some inevitable expenses. Everyone feels differently about the appropriate amount to spend during this time of year, so I'm not going to get into a lecture about what you should or should not buy. The important thing is that we make a plan. Make a list or mark on a calendar what will be purchase, when and the estimated cost. If you're hosting Thanksgiving start buying the non-perishables now. Appropriate planning will help reduce a lot of unnecessary stress and allow us to enjoy this festive time of year.

A special thanks to the Living Well, Spending Less blog for this fantastic challenge!

Be Well,

- Nicole

31 Days of Living Well and Spending Zero - Day 16

Days 8-16 of the challenge were primarily about cleaning and organizing. I am a big fan of cleaning and organizing as part of a holistic financial wellness plan. It can be easy to forget what is shoved in the back of closets. As an example my daughter has become really interested in board games recently. Remembering that we had some board games collecting dust we took a trip down to the basement where she found the game "Clue". Would you believe it had never even been played?!? I don't even remember how we came to acquire it! Thus something that was collecting dust became a found treasure for my daughter.

It can be easy to have a knee jerk reaction to run out and buy a new game, toy, piece of clothing etc without stopping to take stock of what we already have. What about you? Have you ever been cleaning or organizing and been thrilled to find something you forgot you had?