Wealth Shame

How do you feel about people with money? I'm not talking celebrities, but people that you know who are doing really well, drive nice cars, have nice houses, own the latest technology, etc. Do you feel like they're greedy? Do you figure that they must be workaholics and neglect their families?  Do you assume they must be taking advantage of people, or that they must be doing something unethical for them to have the lifestyle that they have? 

Some might call this jealousy, but I see it more as a feeling of shame. There are several possible sources of this. This seems to happen a lot to those of us who grew up in more low to middle income, blue collar families. There is a part of us that might feel we are snubbing how we grew up if we desire a different lifestyle. Maybe your parents were laid off frequently or unfairly denied bonuses or promotions. Perhaps someone you care about got caught up in a scam or was taken advantage of in some monetary way. Or, maybe your grandparents lost a sizable portion of their retirement savings in the stock market. 

If these types of experiences are what we're familiar with, people with money will often feel to us like predators. We may also find that even if we are able to overcome these feelings and events, that our loved ones may not be. They may accuse us of being materialistic or workaholics when we strive for or obtain more wealth. 

It's important that we then understand that if our loved ones do struggle with this, it is not about us. They have likely been hurt or feel discouraged with their own circumstances. In these cases when these conversations come up, it's best if we try to be sympathetic and not argumentative. We should try to avoid defending ourselves and instead redirect the conversation in a positive light. 

For example, if we mention to someone that we're going on a vacation or buying something nice and they make a comment along the lines of "must be nice" a good response would be to acknowledge what went into earning that vacation. We could reply with something like "yes, I've been saving for months" and then try to change the subject. It communicates that we're not ashamed of our success and that it wasn't handed to us. 

We should also be mindful to gauge our audience and to consider if we might be doing too much bragging. We deserve to freely celebrate our accomplishments, but if we're always rubbing our awesomeness in the faces of others (especially those who are in unfortunate circumstances) our behavior can come off as conceited rather than joyful. It's all about finding that balance between embracing our success while also remembering that there are those who are not so fortunate.

Another situation we might find is that if we tend to be empathetic, we may have a difficult time enjoying our success if we know others are suffering. We end up seeing wealth as a shameful thing because we view prosperity through the lens of "someone had to lose out for me to gain". We're constantly hearing horrible stories of poor working conditions, child labor, industrial accidents, famine and drought. It's understandable that we have these feelings when we consider all the ways in which people are exploited for others to have monetary gain.

First and foremost we have to have a reasonable acceptance for the things we can not control. Whether or not an individual purchases a particular item is not going to change a society or a company. This doesn't mean we should disregard our ideals, just that we need to keep perspective about our role and impact in the larger economy. 

With that in mind we should consider how being in a more financially secure position can allow us to advocate for the causes that interest us the most. The most important votes we make are often those which we cast with our dollar. The economy works on the basic principal of supply and demand. The more individuals demand ethically produced goods, the more they will be produced. However, the goods which are the most ethically made are often times some of the most expensive. Being in a better financial position allows us to support the companies with the best practices. 

Also consider how it would feel the next time a friend is in a bind, a natural disaster occurs or your favorite charity is looking for a donation. Instead of sighing and having to turn away, wouldn't it be great to make that gift or donation? Being in a good financial position can be very empowering in this way when we understand the positive impact we can have on other people's lives and that having wealth is not all about taking. 

Overall, when we find ourselves making judgments about those who are wealthy it becomes very difficult for us to allow ourselves to be prosperous. When there is this part of us that disapproves there will also be a part of us that's always going to resist obtaining wealth, because we see it as a negative character trait. We don't believe that we can ever have with those people have because we assume that they're doing something negative to obtain what they have. We throw our money away on the presumption that you can never have what they have because we would never do whatever horrible thing it is that we presume they've done to obtain their wealth.

This may also be reflected in our career. We might keep our standards low because we think that being an executive or entrepreneur is not a realistic goal for people "like us." We might stay in jobs we don't like for too long because we think we should learn to just be happy with where we're at. We hold ourselves back unnecessarily when we limit our vision for ourselves. 

The bottom line is we have to remember we are not abandoning our friends and loved ones simply because we desire or obtain wealth. It's a fact of life that some people do well financially and others do not. As long as we are humble and generous there is no reason for shame.

Be Well! 
- Nicole