Remembering Gratitude

It's a common trap. We tell ourselves if we just had a bigger house, a newer car or could get that promotion everything would be great. The problem is when we finally meet that goal there is always something else to move into it's place. It's good to have goals, but if we never take time to stop and appreciate where we're at, we will always be left with a feeling of inadequacy. The happiness we gain from possessions is shallow at best. If we're having trouble experiencing gratitude, adding on some new thing isn't going to fix that. 

Often times we can become so immersed in obsessing over what we don't have that we don't stop to think about we do have. There are a couple of problems with this. If we can't experience some level of gratitude for the things that are going well in our lives, psychologically and spiritually we won't be able to move forward. 

We end up in a position where we simply can't see the forest through the tress. We may feel that everything is awful and nothing goes our way. We end up becoming so convinced of this that we miss out on what's right in front of us. We can become cynical and think that even when a good opportunity is presented that there must be a catch. We might splurge on something because we think trying to save is a waste of time because we'll never get ahead anyway.

Our negativity can also effect how others perceive and ultimately treat us. If we constantly complain and act cynical others may start to pass us over because they are overwhelmed with our negativity. We may have a hard time being sympathetic to others because we contrast their problems against our own. Friendships suffer, promotions may be missed and we end up left feeling short changed and often unaware that it was largely our own attitude that put us in this position in the first place.

Now, you might be thinking, "not me!" Truthfully though if we are honest I would bet that most of us go through phases of this kind of behavior. Truly though, this is a very difficult matter to confront. It's easy to justify our own pessimism and it can be a lot harder to be optimistic once we get in this frame of mind. Being cynical is a fantastic crutch. If we are victims than we are not responsible for our situation. If people feel sorry for us we can't be held accountable because we just have too much going on in our lives. 

If we're feeling unhappy we really need to think about why so we can avoid this sort of self-destructive behavior. Are you miserable at your job? Are you stuck in a dysfunctional relationship with either a spouse, friend or other family member? Are you having trouble managing illness or other extenuating circumstances? Maybe you're just feeling unhappy and you're not sure why.

We all have our ups and downs, and there is nothing wrong with some occasional retail therapy necessarily; however, if we find ourselves in a pattern where we're always chasing that next new possession to feel better, we need to hit the breaks and re-evaluate.

First and foremost we must pause and remember all that we have to be grateful for. Without gratitude we will always be looking elsewhere for happiness. Sometimes just a simple moment of reflection or pausing to take in the joyous things around us may be all we need to ground us and prevent an unnecessary purchase or bout of negativity.

Another solution is to shift the focus from buying something to doing something. Instead of going to the mall redirect those funds and head to the gym, art gallery, concert or to whatever activity moves you. Think back on hobbies that you've had in the past or things you used to enjoy doing and bring those activities back into your life.

Having a well rounded sense of purpose can help shift the focus off of the negativity in our lives to more productive matters and make those things that seemed so horrible less overwhelming. 

Be Well!

- Nicole

Spring Rejuvination!

On the tail of a full moon spring has finally arrived! This combined with the general spiritual peace that the season of Lent brings has left me with a strong desire to simplify and cleanse. For me, spring cleaning isn't just about washing the windows and drapes; it's about going through all aspects of my life from top to bottom and taking time to examine what works and what doesn't. I know a lot of people like to do this around the New Year, but for me the hustle and bustle of the holiday season is too distracting to really focus on making real, lasting change. With the lengthening days, warmer temperatures and general stillness that comes with late winter, I find that by the time the spring equinox comes around I have had the time I need to reflect and am geared up for renewal.

One area of my life where I have felt a bit restless is in my career. I'm taking some time to explore my future and what best  suits me, but in the mean time I still have a job to do. While I have some frustrations at the moment it really hit me today that I need to stop letting that consume me so much. It's one of those "Lord grant me the wisdom..." situations where I have to realize that it's up to me to control my experience.

What am I talking about exactly? I'm talking about those toxic workplace situations like gossip, politics, poor communication, bad leadership, etc. I'm just bored with it. It's not serving me to continue to wallow in the negativity that exists in my workplace. It's time for me to remind myself of the fact that I can't control anyone else's behavior, only my own. It's up to me to turn the other cheek, have some pride, and get back to work, because as long as I'm whining and complaining I'm part of the problem.

So, what now? Well to start, I decided to take a bit of a time out at the end of my day today and clean my office. I went top to bottom through every drawer and shelf, even removing some items from the person who used my office before me! I had allowed my desk especially to become way too cluttered. This is unlike me as I thrive on a well organized workspace. The mess was definitely throwing me off my game. When I was done every surface was free from dust, every object had a place, and for the first time in a while I left the office with a smile on my face.

Will there still be frustrations as I navigate this area of my life? You bet! But, I'm really going to work on not letting the negativity get the best of me. When we are frustrated with our jobs it's important that we avoid mentally checking out. Damaging professional relationships, lowering our personal standards, and tarnishing our reputations can have long lasting consequences that we might not be fully considering when we're feeling burned out at work. We need to find ways to experience some joy and peace until we can figure out what's next for us. Often times just making a conscious choice to stop feeding the negativity in our own heads and with our co-workers is a good start. After that, the best thing we can do is keep busy. A lot of times office drama brews when there is too much idle time. By keeping busy time goes by and we have less time to focus on the negative.

Obviously every work situation is different, but the one constant is that we control how we respond.

Why I'm Here

I was still in college and working at a retail shop when I learned my first big financial lesson. After pulling into the parking lot in her high end SUV, a woman came up to the counter to purchase a name brand name jacket for her daughter. After her first couple of credit cards were declined she pulled out a pocket page, the kind used for baseball cards, and had me try card after card until one of them finally allowed her purchase. I began to see this scenario more and more and eventually realized that it wasn't just college students like me who were living paycheck to paycheck, it was most people! And these were the glory days. The mid 2000's when just about anyone could find a decent job.

I remember another occasion in 2004 when it really hit me. My husband and I were considering purchasing our first home and had been pre-approved for far more than we knew we could afford. We had just bought a brand new SUV and our mailbox was stuffed with zero percent credit card offers. I remember saying, "All of this money. It's just numbers on a screen. What if something happens and people can't pay it back? They can take away our car, but they can't repossess our college educations or the groceries we put on our credit card." Even then, before having any experience in finance I knew something was wrong. 

It's easy to point the blame of the financial crises on the politicians and the banks, but the truth is we all participated in that downward spiral. Now, I'm not going to get into a big economics lesson about the financial crisis. What we need to understand is that the financial crises, both in a spiritual and practical sense, was simply a reflection of our society and our own behavior. I know, it's hard to hear, but if we really want to move forward in our lives financially, we have to stop blaming "the man" and begin to take control of our financial health. To do that we first need to look at the root causes of how our finances get out of control in the first place.

There are a lot of great books out there that can teach you how to budget, avoid debt and invest. That's not what I'm here to do. While I will offer some practical tips from time to time the main goal of this blog is to examine why we manage money how we do, as well as all of the thoughts and emotions behind it. By becoming more aware of our habits and patterns we can begin to better understand our relationship with money.

Our relationship with money is a lot like our relationship with food. Our attitudes and behaviors toward it are going to be shaped over our lifetime by our parents, our peers and our culture. By the time we get to an age when we're ready to manage it on our own, most of us have an idea of how much money we would like to earn and the type of lifestyle we expect to have. Unfortunately, some of those influencing factors can derail our focus before we even realize what's happening.

That being said this isn't going to just be a financial blog. Our behavior with money doesn't exist in a vacuum. Like many aspects of lives, our finances are part of a much larger picture and exist merely as reflection of what is going on in our lives. We need to look holistically to really understand such symptomatic issues.

Be Well!

- Nicole