Remembering Gratitude

It's a common trap. We tell ourselves if we just had a bigger house, a newer car or could get that promotion everything would be great. The problem is when we finally meet that goal there is always something else to move into it's place. It's good to have goals, but if we never take time to stop and appreciate where we're at, we will always be left with a feeling of inadequacy. The happiness we gain from possessions is shallow at best. If we're having trouble experiencing gratitude, adding on some new thing isn't going to fix that. 

Often times we can become so immersed in obsessing over what we don't have that we don't stop to think about we do have. There are a couple of problems with this. If we can't experience some level of gratitude for the things that are going well in our lives, psychologically and spiritually we won't be able to move forward. 

We end up in a position where we simply can't see the forest through the tress. We may feel that everything is awful and nothing goes our way. We end up becoming so convinced of this that we miss out on what's right in front of us. We can become cynical and think that even when a good opportunity is presented that there must be a catch. We might splurge on something because we think trying to save is a waste of time because we'll never get ahead anyway.

Our negativity can also effect how others perceive and ultimately treat us. If we constantly complain and act cynical others may start to pass us over because they are overwhelmed with our negativity. We may have a hard time being sympathetic to others because we contrast their problems against our own. Friendships suffer, promotions may be missed and we end up left feeling short changed and often unaware that it was largely our own attitude that put us in this position in the first place.

Now, you might be thinking, "not me!" Truthfully though if we are honest I would bet that most of us go through phases of this kind of behavior. Truly though, this is a very difficult matter to confront. It's easy to justify our own pessimism and it can be a lot harder to be optimistic once we get in this frame of mind. Being cynical is a fantastic crutch. If we are victims than we are not responsible for our situation. If people feel sorry for us we can't be held accountable because we just have too much going on in our lives. 

If we're feeling unhappy we really need to think about why so we can avoid this sort of self-destructive behavior. Are you miserable at your job? Are you stuck in a dysfunctional relationship with either a spouse, friend or other family member? Are you having trouble managing illness or other extenuating circumstances? Maybe you're just feeling unhappy and you're not sure why.

We all have our ups and downs, and there is nothing wrong with some occasional retail therapy necessarily; however, if we find ourselves in a pattern where we're always chasing that next new possession to feel better, we need to hit the breaks and re-evaluate.

First and foremost we must pause and remember all that we have to be grateful for. Without gratitude we will always be looking elsewhere for happiness. Sometimes just a simple moment of reflection or pausing to take in the joyous things around us may be all we need to ground us and prevent an unnecessary purchase or bout of negativity.

Another solution is to shift the focus from buying something to doing something. Instead of going to the mall redirect those funds and head to the gym, art gallery, concert or to whatever activity moves you. Think back on hobbies that you've had in the past or things you used to enjoy doing and bring those activities back into your life.

Having a well rounded sense of purpose can help shift the focus off of the negativity in our lives to more productive matters and make those things that seemed so horrible less overwhelming. 

Be Well!

- Nicole